Ayun. HAHA. NANAMAN. AS USUAL

The young prophesy by their very existence --- they are the future. - Paul Valery

I think it's been almost a month since I last blogged. Haha. Anyhoo, here's what's been happening to
me:
* have a new laptop. HP Pavilion. Same as Kristen's.
* have a PSP. Finally. Actually, it's shared. (It actually got lost for 5 days. Bummer)
* got sick for two weeks. My stomachache. Idk. I think because of drinking. Then I had to stop my drinking
for 1 week. All I've been drinking was WATER WATER and more WATER.
* I've been better.
  - with my relationship to other people except J*** X(
  - in Algebra. Ahaha.
* not grounded anymore 'cause I'm a DL. Yeah, unbelievable right? I've been drinking
then I'm a DL? Holy shit. :))

Lauren's Dinner Party at Joey Pepperoni Pizzeria [Perea Branch at Makati City. Near Greenbelt]
     
     When I was ony my way home at around 5pm, I texted Luig and asked him what time should I be in his house. He
said 6. DAMN, I said. Haha. I had to rush taking a bath, and I didn't even know yet what I should be wearing! Err. Thanks
to my sister and mom, they helped me. I arrived at Luig's house at around 6:30. When I was about to go in, there were
two guys waiting outside. Then there was girl who went out, I thought it was Carissa. Anyhoo, the maid told me to go in.
Yes, as usual, his room was kinda messy. I told him I understand, he's a guy. Haha. Then I saw Aaron C. Then Migs and the
brother of Ambat was there.
     Luig: Haha. Anje, si Migs oh. Yung nang-rape sa'yo.
     Anje: HAHAHAHA
   
     Carissa was on webcam, so I chatted with her while Luig was talking to the guys. I thought Luig knew the way to the venue. Err.
He just had the map. So finally, Jerome and Isko arrived.  Trust me, Luig drives crazy haha.
Then we went to Carissa's condo, fetched her. Then we had to pay the parking (duh, it's Makati) I was really happy seeing old
Zobel friends again :)
     of course: Lauren, Dane, Pat, Kai, Jenny, Rosy, Ria, Joseph, Bianx, Nina-Bianca, Alyssa, Mon, Kaye, Yvana, Char, Jona and Pert.
yhey yhey yhey! Haha. Food galore. Luig, Isko and Jerome had llike 3-4 rounds of buffet madness. Picture galore. Abao and Aaron A. was just
outside. Restroom galore with Yvana, Dane and Pat. Yeah shit, the restroom was so freaky! Haha. After the party, we went to Greenbelt.
Timezone. Tekken galore. Luig brought Carissa home. Dead end Evangelista street haha. Had a pitstop at Shell along SLEX with Luig and Isko.
Chilled out. Luig brought Isko home, then me. Arrived at home at around 2am.
I missed them so much. Zobel and Justice Friends. Ahaha


I bought this tissue at UM, cause my colds kept running. It smells like a cigarette. Shit yeah, duh, I bought
it at UM. No doubt. So instead of getting well, I had to use that tissue as if I was smoking. Err



When I was with Alli in the bus last Friday morning, on our way to school, the bus stopped then I saw this sign.
"WALANG TAWIRAN NAKAMAMATAY. GAMITIN ANG OVERPASS." Then, when I looked at the TV, the news reporter
said: "Isang lalake, namatay, tumalon sa overpass dito sa Pasay."
I was really laughing hard. Kasi ginamit nga yung overpass, namatay parin! Haha!

How are my blockmates? Haha. Everyone's great. :) Kept on going to Zen. :P
And loads of group messages. Yeah, I spend load for them even though if we see each other every fucking day. :))

Kimmie: May friendster ka? Paki-add naman 'to oh.
             1 + 1 =
Jake: Ah. May ym ka diba? Ito address ko. 110 Yakal St. Las Pinas City.

-- that was so BENTA =))

And another one:
While Kimmie, Eika and Aaron were near the LRC before going home...
Kimmie: BYE EIKA! BYE BYE! *waving*
Kimmie: BYE AARON! BABOY! *proudly waving*

It wasn't intentional. Haha. Yeah, call Aaron BABOY! WHOOOO!!! =))))))))

Then it's feels so great to be okay with Ayie, and feels so great to hear from him again.
No bitterness. :)) I miss and missed him though. :D

That's what's wrong with me. I regret when the relationship is finally over. :( awww.
Oh well, bottom line: I'm stupid :))

"Some of the most rewarding and beautiful moments of a friendship happen in the unforeseen open spaces between planned activities. It is important that you allow these
spaces to exist." - Collenbach

Greetings:
~ Advance HAPPY HAPPY BEERDAY to my bestest and beloved Angel, tomorrow :))
~ Rach, Sten, Karla, Virge, Mel, Mara, Tin and Dave: I MISS YOU GUYS :(
~ Carissa, Robs, Luig, Jerome, Isko, Ginest, Big C: I MISS YOU GUYS :(
~ MF1J, WHY IS EVERYBODY IN LOVE? :)

LOVE OR FRIENDSHIP?
Eika opened the question when we were eating at Sex yesterday. I was with her, Joanna, Miera & Kimmie. Saw Joseph S. :)

Me: Love. Kasi sa friendship may love naman eh. I mean, loving your friends.
Eika: No ang ibig kong sabihin eh yung romantic love. Yung guy o friends mo ang pipiliin mo.
Me: Aah. Eh di syempre friendship! Sus, nabuhay ka namang walang boyfriend pero ang friends hindi nawawala.
Eika, Kimmie, Miera, Joanna: OO OO!! TAMA! HAHAHA!

Insocio Time
I'll type down some seating arrangements (I'm gonna skip people not involved in my story. lol)
                                                                                   Teacher's table
                             Joanna Miera Prince                                                                   chair Jolo DJPat Tobi
                             people                                                                                            people
Warrior Alexa Dherick Bok
Rap Jake Kimmie Me

And the conversation follows:
Rap: Prince, tumabi tabi ka dyan kung ayaw mong masktan! hahaha!
Me: hahahah! alam na!
Rap: Ano Anje? Banatan ko na yun.
Warrior: Naghahanda na! Hahaha!
Rap: Ano Anje? Sino gusto mong unahin ko? Si Prince o si Prince?
Me: Hmmmm. Si Prince! Hahaha!
Rap: Ah si Prince? Sige sige.
Me: Ayyy! Ampucha! Alexa, umayos ka kung ayaw mo mabanatan!
Warrior: Hahaha!
Rap: Maghanda ka na din!
Me: Warrior, baka gusto rin mabanatan ni DJ Pat! hahaha!
Warrior: Bakit? *sabay hanap kay DJ Pat* oo nga noh! hahaha!
Me: Alexa, ano kulay ng make-up mo ngayon?
Alexa: Ha? Pink? Bakit?
Me: Gusto mong maging black yan mamaya?
Warrior: AH! HAHAHA! ALAM NA!
Me: Warrior, nakita mo buhok ni DJ Pat?
Warrior: Oo bakit?
Me: Baka gusto niyang ma-kalbo. Hahaha!

[pero hindi naman natuloy yung banat effect. chever lang yun ahahah!]

Thank God the issue of Eika and Joanna is over, but I wasn't there when it was settled. It was during the second break this afternoon.
(I was in B308. Essay Writing Contest. [representing MF1J] The winners will be announced on Aug. 11.)

Me: Are we all froshes?
The guy on my right side: Yes. What's your course?
Me: HR. You?
The guy on my right side: Export.
Me: Ooh. *faces the guy on my left* You? What's your course?
The guy on my left: CA.
Me: WHOA. SMARTASS!
(pucha. feeling close?! haha!)

Friday last week Ms. Charlie named the top 4 writers in the class. Me, Paula, "Prof" & Cheenee. Then, it was down to Paula and I. The class had to vote.
They chose me. I don't fucking know why :)) I voted for Paula!! Paula's was way better than mine, [naks. pa-humble effect pa gustung-gusto naman. lol]

It was ON THE SPOT ESSAY WRITING CONTEST ACTUALLY.  Technology enabled so I wasn't worried that much. We weren't allowed to use thesaurus, grammar checks and all
that shit. Only WORD COUNT. 750-1000 words were alloted. Mine was 858 :)) the topic: AM I LEARNING TO BE A GLOBALLY COMPETENT STUDENT OF DE LA SALLE-COLLEGE
OF SAINT BENILDE?
At first, I wasn't able to think! I felt constipated :)) I saw everyone, they were already typing, I haven't even starteed my first sentence.
Well, whatever, I love writing :) (or typing. lol) I finished at 2:30 exactly. lol

Then went to the loo, then straight to the classroom. When I was seated, they kept on making up jokes to some of our blockmates' names.
LAUGHTRIP! =)) AS IN BENTA TALAGA!

What a lonely trip home :( Why kaya? :)) ALAM NA! GUMAGANON!

Kimmie's PSP fell. Prince kasi eh! Hahaha!
In addition to that, boots with the furrrrrrrrr! Nice boots Kimmie!
Eika-Joanna :D love you girls!
J.D. =)) again and again and again
Non-stop joke names. BENTA =))


TO THE BEERDAY BOY TOMORROW
ANGHELO! :))
[omfg. can't believe you're 15?! hindi ka na totoy boy! HAHAHA!]
Not sure if I can make it on Saturday, but I really really miss you. All of you guys. Anyway, this should be a birthday message lol.
We've been best friends for six years with Rappang, and I really really thank you for that.
I mean, not only that.. I thank you for:

• seeing me at my worst 'cause you've been really accepting me for who I really am
• always being there even though I don't go running at you if I have problems
• always asking me if I'm okay.
• being my psychic-hero-lover [as Sten said hahaha]
• being a true friend. the bestest friend. the worst ex [kidding. haha. you're not the worst so far. wait, you are. lol]
• wiping my tears everytime I cry
• the stolen kisses
• holding my hand when I need comfort
• just simply looking at my eyes
• making me feel that everything's gonna be alright
• totally keeping my secrets. our secrets >:)
• the non-stop phone call conversations
• being my first love. and my first everything [and last? why not! haha]
• making me fat. lol
• always teasing me 'cause I know that's how you 'make lambing' [yuck. conyo haha]
• trusting me, Rappang, Red, Ojna and Mac = and keeping a friendship that really lasts.
• being happy for me when I was happy with Ayie [were you really? hmmm? haha!]
• the hugs and kisses
• always protecting me from THEM >:)
• Martheena and the letters
• the necklace that makes me feel uber itchy when I wear it
• always keeping me safe
• loving me and Rappang for six years! :)) tang inang mga mukhang yan! hindi tayo nagsasawa!
• asking me to marry you =))
• letting me feel that we're soulmates. naks.
• lastly, COMPLETING ME. :)

AND A TOAST, FOR YOUR FIFTEENTH BUBBLY KINKY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! CHEERS :))
[can't wait for your beer belly! bwahaha!]
Me + Gel + Rappang = THE COUSINS. BEN DESEL. <3
Oh, miss it :)

Ok, I won't let anyone stop me from blogging again. I blogged again 'cause it's very addicting. Yes, I'm regretting what I said in my last blog that I'm not gonna blog again. Lol.

Anyhoo, I'm with Criselle. Hi Criselle! Si Ms. Takaw :))

MF1J = <3 ALAM NA! OHA OHA! GUMAGANON!

Frosh Night July 18, 2007 : Friday @ "Bora"

Well Dino Imperial and Say Alonzo were our hosts. The line was really fucked up. It took us hell hours to get out of it. It was so boring, honestly. We just drank then watched the A615 dancers (I wasn't able to really WATCH them 'cause they were a lot of people blocking my sight.) Then, we went to the cubes to get our bags then, we went straight to KFC. Alexa was drunk :)) [cause she, Rap, Dherick, Chibby, Jolo, Tere, Aaron, Bok etc.. had a session at Berde. We weren't able to hang out with them cause me, Kimmie and Miera hung out at Joanna's pad. Bloddy cousins! :))] Uhm what else? Rap kept on teasing me to ____ and ____ :)) went home around 10:30. Text galore before sleeping.

Saturday and Sunday = normal day. Text, eat, sleep, watched a movie, chores. Well acutally, Sunday.. Rach and Ojna went to my house!!! YIPEEEE :D I missed both of them! My two best friends! :( chatted for a while, grub with Snickers :)) texted Sten the whole night! We talked a lot of things! And thanks to her, I've realized that letting go is the best. [Ayie was right :))] I can finally breathe easily now :))

Fish Crackers = ok. kilig. :P secret :))

MIERAP = AYIHEEEEE! GUMAGANON!! :x kilig me :))

Gel's birthday = is on Thursday already! He's turning 15! :)) Yipeeeeee!! Ninong [Gel's dad] told me to come 'cause magpapacheeseburger daw sila [well, I really should. He's my bestest best friend. Lol] I missed Gel. We were able to talk from Sat to Sun, and this morning. I miss him getting mad at me! Lol. "KANINA PA KAYA AKO TUMATAWAG!" Well, I told him a lot of THINGS. Err :| Anyhoo, I think he's celebrating on Saturday *praying to be allowed* :)) I'm not giving him any gift 'cause... ALAM NA! :)) OHA OHA! GUMAGANON! :)) thanks to Gel, I've realized something too. Well, it's just between the two of us na lang. I mean, sikretong malupit! :)) [but I told Sten and my close blockmates about it so there]

It's my lost daw?! :)) TALAGA LANG AH :))

"You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in the
spirit of love." - Henry Dummond


OO, tagalog time na. Madrama ako ngayon. >:)

Ihanda niyo na ang sarili niyo, dahil ito na yata ang pinakamahabang blog na bli-nog ko. Ayos.

TABI -TABI PO: Maaring ito na ang huli kong pagblo-blog. At kung ano man ang mababasa niyo rito ay walang pagkukunwari. Wala na akong hiya sa
lagay na ito. Pagpasensyahan niyo na ako. Dala lang ito ng pagkukulang. Huwag kayong mag-alala, hindi naman ako magpapakamatay. HAHAHA. Hindi naman
kailangan ng patnubay ng magulang, alagang aso at ipis, pwede na.
 
Ay at isa pa! Kung sino man makaka-gets ng titolo ko para sa entry )"About You Is Eternity") na ito ay MAGALING! Hindi ba obvious :))

At kung mabasa niya man, (sana hindi hahaha pero ewan ko) ipagdasal na niyo na ako. Na natural hinding-hindi na niya ako kakausapin siguro.

-----------

Dalawang araw mula ngayon, mag-iisang taon na ang computer na ginagamit ko.

Mahigit labin-limang araw mula ngayon, mag-iisang taon na nung nagsimula akong mag-blog at sumali sa I.PH, Blogspot, Livejournal, Wordpress, Blog ng Multiply at
higit sa lahatang BlogLog Community.

Idedesregard ko na ang ibang kwento na detalyado. Summarized na lang. (kahit mahaba ang kalalabasan. Paumanhin po.)

AGOSTO 2007
       Habang ako'y nagbro-browse sa mga profile ng mga kaibigan ko sa BlogLog Community eh naisipan kong maghanap ng prospect. Yung tipong crush lang para
may pamapakilig naman ako. Hindi ko talaga hilig yung mamprospect sa internet eh, talagang ayoko nun. HANGGANG SA :)) Ayun, may nakita na nga ako.
Actually, dalawa pa ngang lalake yun eh pero mas pinili ko yung medyo matino yung itsura. Malamang na-cutean ako. In-add ko na siya diretso sa YM at Friendster.
Bigla siyang nag-pm sa akin at tinanong kung sino ako. Basic getting to know you conversation. Bigla kongkinapalan mukha ko. Sinabihan ko siya na mag-comment
siya sa blog at Friendster ko kahit nosebleed siya nung English pa yung blog ko. Hindi ko makakalimutan yung kauna-unahan niyang comment sa Friendster ko,
"this is my comment" with matching marquee style pa. Tuwa naman ang lola mo. Nagulat rin ako nung nalamankong malapit ang lugar nila sa lugar ng lola at mga
pinsan ko. Lalung natuwa ang lola mo. Kinuha ko na rin yata yung number yan at lalung-lalo-super-omg- ang tuwa nglola mo nung nalaman kong Globe siya.
Ang kapal ko talaga nun. Tska mura pa unli nung time na 'to eh. P50 for 5 days. Remember?

SETYEMBRE 2007
     Hindi kami masyadong nag-usap nitong nilalang na ito eh. Busy ako sa iskwelahan ko nun. Pero medyo kinamusta ko siya ng ilang beses. Pero hanggang dun
na lang. Kamustahan galore. Tska I was falling in love with somebody else nung time na 'to eh. Kaya pa-kilig crush ko lang siya nito that time. May 'chever' na
nagsesendan ng quotes. Nagkakatext rin yata pero hindi todo todo text ting!

OKTUBRE 2007
     Ang sembreak. Nung pauwi ako sa lola ko, katext ko yata siya nun. Kung anu-ano pinaguusapan namin. Naalala ko na tungkol pa yun kay Kokey at tungkol din
sa mga pinsan ko na alien yata, ewan ko basta gaguhan. Ganun. Naka-chat ko rin siya nung nasa computer shop ako ng pinsan ko. Dumating din sa topic nung
kwinento ko yung tungkol sa amin ng una kong ex. Yun rin yata yung time na may ahas sa may gate ng bahay ng pinsan ko. Pinagtatawanan niya ako sa chat.
Hindi pa gaanong kasabik-sabik ang mata ko na makita ko siya ng personal nun. Tska sabi niya next time na lang daw eh. May pupuntahan yata siya nung time
na yun.

NOBYEMBRE 2007
     Ito yung panahon na nagpra-practice kami para sa cheering eh. Isang gabi ng practice yata, sobrang pagod na yata ako nun. Nasa bahay kami ni Anna V. tapos
ako si Alli at Kalals nakalapag yata yung phone sa parang swingish chair ni Anna V. sa kanyang bakuran. Nakatambay lang kami dun. Pero nung magprapractice na,
nilapag namin ulit dun sa swinging chair. Nung hindi turn ng girls na sumayaw, bumabalik kami ni Alli dun sa swinging chair tapos kukunin yung phone at magtetext.
Tuwa nanaman ang lola mo at magkatext kami nun. Pero hindi masyado kasi may iba nanaman akong gusto nun at pagod na ako nun. Ayos diba. Hahaha. Nung araw
na nung cheering compe, natuwa ako nung nagtext siya. Iba na tibok na puso ko. Naks. Basta magkatext kami nun.
     Nung despedida ni Ninang nung Nov. 29 yata yun,alam ko Thursday yun, nag-iinuman na kami. Hmm malamang Thursday madaling araw na nun, bigla ko siyang
naisipan imbitahin sa sinabi sa akin ni Karla na MTV concert, libre yung tickets. Eh yung iba namin kaibigan di yata papayagan kasi nga exam yata that time eh
malapit na. So, ayun naisipan kong imbitahin siya. Nagulat ako nung mag-iinum kami, nung tinext ko siya, nagreply siya! Akala ko tulog na siya nun. Tapos mag-uunli
daw siya kinabukasan for the sake na makatext ako nun. So nung Nov 29, magkatext kami hanggang madaling araw. Tapos sinabi niya na ako daw yung pinakamatagal
niyang nakatext. Hahaha. Nagkataon rin yata na sabay pa kaming kumakain ng tinapay (at kailangan ko talaga ikwento yung pandesal na kinakain niya eh noh. hahaha.)
May sakit rin yata ako nun. The next day, Nov. 30 eh pre-celebrationyun ng birthday ko. Nagpunta kaming Festi, ako, Rach, Ojna, Sten, By, Mara, Tin at BJ. Katext ko
rin siya nun. Nagulat ako, may sinend siyang quote na halatang hindi na niya inedit kasi 'gud am' ang huling words nung quote. Parang ganito yun eh, yung quote,
"Lord... Kung hindi talaga siya para sa akin....... (press down, mga ilang down yun) ....... siya na lang kasi please... gud am!" Nagtaka talaga ako nun kasi bakit siya
magsesend ng ganun sa akin. Kilig ang lola mo.Nung kumakain kami sa Max's, todo kilig ang lola. Kahit kumakain, di ko matiis hindi replyan eh. Tapos naalala ko
sabi niya pa na kumain daw sila sa Max's last week. Ayos. Nung manunuod na kami ng movie, siyempre ka-text ko parin siya nun. Enchanted yata yun.
Tapos sabi niya magmo-motorsiklo lang siya. Inantay ko text niya, pero di na siya nagtext.
    
DISYEMBRE 20007
     Tuwa nanaman ang lola mo. Gri-neet niya ako. Nag-save pa daw siya ng dalawang piso para lang daw i-greet ako. Nakakatuwa naman. Anyway, ito rin yata yung
time na nakachat ko si Red tapos kinuha ko yung pic ko na siya kumuha. Yung naka yellow ako tapos naka make-up kasi yung pic na yun yung time na galing ako
sa grad pictorial chever. Tapos nagcomment sya dun sa pic na "mukha ka ng tao :D" tapos may nagcomment na isang manyak tapos hinihingi number ko chever tapos
kwinento ko sa kanya tapos sabi niya, "napaka-attractive naman kasi ng pic mo na yun eh." Kilig nanaman ang lola mo. Ito rin yata yung time na marami kaming chat
galore eh. Yung tinanong ko sa kanya kung may babae siya and stuff tapos sabi niya, "hindi ko pa nakikita yung aabot ng standards ko eh." Ayun. Ito rin yata yung
time na tawa na kami ng tawa (kahit hindi ko siya nakikita, pero ramdam ko) yung sa "mahilig ka ba sa palaka?" Then, (hay ang dami) ito rin yata yung time na tinanong
niya ako kung naniniwala ba daw ako sa cyber relationship. Tapos tinanong ko kung bakit niya naman natanong. Sabi niya homework niya daw yun. (then kwinento ko
kay Karla the next day yun. Sabi ko kay Karla parang hindi ako naniniwala na echos homework niya yun. Si Karla din. Hahaha)
     (hay ang dami. Kapagod pero okay lang. Umuulan eh, masarap magdrama)
     HULING ARAW NG SIMBANG GABI (eh nakumpleto ko, sabi ni Ninong mag-wish daw ako kasi totoong natutupad daw talaga) sa pagkabliw ko sa nilalang na yun
eh grabe ang wi-nish ko. Nagpakatotoo na lang ako noh, mas gusto ng Diyos yun. Sabi ko na sana maging boyfriend ko yung nilalang na yun. Hahaha.
     ANYWAY, Xmas party na nun sa school. Ako, Mara, Virge and Mel ay nagpuntang MOA after nung party. Ito yung araw na sobrang nababaliw na ako. Na feeling
ko na I'm really falling for him na. Tapos sobrang kahit saan ako tumingin siya nakikita ko and stuff. Inaasahan kong makikita ko siya. Tapos nung palabas na kami ng
MOA, pumunta kami sa parking malapit sa parang abandoned na Pier One place, na may mga parang swing, sa may bay. Sabi ko sa kanila, "Ewan ko na lang ah.
Pero ang sarap siguro mag-date dito sa place na 'to. Sana one time dalhin ako ni ANO sa place na 'to."
     Hanggang as nung on the way kami papuntang Town, nagwawala ako na gusto ko na siya makita and chever todo hahaha. Hanggang sa nag-inuman ako, si Mel
at Virge. Ayun. Nilabas ko lahat-lahat. ANG PINAKA HINDI KO MAKAKALIMUTAN NA BINITAWAN KONG SALITA KAY VIRGE NUN, "Sinasabi ko sa'yo Virge,
once na magkita kami, hinding hindi ko na siya papakawalan."
     Isang araw, nagtext ako sa kanya kung ano ba yung paborito niyang kulay. Tapos nung una ayoko talaga sabihin kung bakit ko tinatanong, pero nasabi ko na rin.
Balak ko kasi siyang bigyan ng Xmas gift. So ayun. Nagulat ako nung sinabi niya na naisipan niya rin daw ako bigyan ng regalo nung napadaan daw siya sa Blue
Magic. Ganun ganun. Tapos inisip namin kung paano namin ibibigay sa isa't isa chever. Nung gabi bago ako pumunta sa bahay ng Ninong ko, dumaan muna ako
lugar na bibilhan ko ng regalo ko para sa kanya. Kasi sabi niya na paborito niyang kulay ang green, black at gray. Eh sobrang nahihirapan ako magisip ano kaya ang
magugustuha niya. So bumili na lang ako ng bagay na pwede niya talagang gamitin. Nakita ko ang black Girbaud na wallet, tapos yung green na Lacoste perfume.
So ayun. Pinagipunan ko talaga. Nung babalutin ko na, nilagyan ko ng message na sobrang nagpapasalamat ako sa kanya na natulungan niya ako sa maraming bagay.
Nung gabi rin nun eh nakachat ko siya kung paano at saan kami magkikita. Tapos pareho kaming kinakabahan. Nanlalambot na talaga ako nun. (the next day kasi
pupunta na ako sa bahay ng lola ko, na malapit rin sa lugar nila)
     MOMENT OF TRUTH. Disyembre 24.
    Paggising ko pa lang eh hindi ko na ma-explain ang nararamdaman ko. Kinakabahan ako na ewan. Hay. Nung dumating na ako sa bahay
ng lola ko, nagpaalam blues ako tapos may sermon galore na kesyo sino daw yung kikitain ko chever. Basta umuwi daw ako before 6. Magpasama daw ako kay ate
Kat. Sabi niya Chowking nalang daw kami magkita para mas convenient. Sabi ko kay ate Kat, "Ate Kat! Hawakan mo yung kamay ko! Nanlalamig amputa! HAHAHA!"
Ayun. Nung pumasok kami, biglang hinanap ko na siya, tapos may tinuro si ate Kat na naka sumbrero. "TANG INA.", sabi ko. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. Lahat na
yata ng mura nasabi ko nun sa utak ko. Nung una ayaw ko lumapit pero my gawd. HAHAHA. Suot niya yung green na stripes niyang paborito yata. Nung una hindi
niyang napapansin na nandun ako sa tapat niya tapos nung tinawag ko siya tumingin na rin siya. Kasama niya yung dalawa niyang matalik na kaibigan. Kwentuhan
at tawanan galore.
     Magkatext kami kahit nung paguwi ko.
     PASKO ay magkatext parin kami. Nung bispiras nun, sabay naming plinano na buksan yung regalo namin sa isa't isa. Tuwa naman siya sa binigay ko. Mas lalo
naman akong natuwa sa binigay ko.
     Disyembre 27 (nandun parin ako sa bahay ng pinsan ko) tinanong niya ako kung kailan uwi ko, sabi ko baka after new year pa. Tapos yun. Inisip niya na magkita
daw kami ulit. Papakainin niya daw ako ng exotic food sa isang resto dun sa bayan na narinig ko na rin. Biglang nadissapoint ako kasi nung gabi, nagkachat kami, sabi
niya na baka hindi daw kami matuloy kasi may kailangan siyang puntahan. Bigla ko pini-em si Xtine sa sobrang dissapointment ko. Tapos nag-blog ako sa dissapointment
ko. Tapos ginawa kong cross-post lahat ng blogs ko sa LJ papuntang Multiply. Biglang nag-pm ang nilalang sa akin, sabi nya, "nabasa ko yun pinost mo :D" eh may
post ako dun na todo tungkol lang sa kanya. AMP! sabi ko, nabasa niya. Nanginginig na ako. Ito na talaga yung moment of truth. Nagkaaminan na kami. Na pareho
lang pala kami ng iniisip at nararamdaman. Grabe yung itsura ko nun. Nababaliw na ewan, laki ng ngiti, todo kilig, namumula, nanlalamig sa tuwa. Hahaha. Tapos bigla
niyang sinabi sa akin na ica-cancel nya daw lakad niya. Tapos tuloy daw kami bukas. Tapos parang may sinabi pa siyang, "malay mo may mangyari bukas." Tapos
tinanong ko kung ano yun. Sabi niya, "ewan ko" hahaha. Magaling.
    Disyembre 28, Eh nag-iba ng venue kasi sabi ko na pupunta kami ng mga pinsan ko sa Mega, tapos dun narin daw. Hanggang the next day, ayun nga. Nagkita
kami sa Mega. Kumain sa Red Ribbon. Sinamahan niya ako bumili ng envelope sa Natio tapos nanuod kami ng Shake, Rattle and Roll 9 (na medyo nainsulto ako
sa isang bulletin niya lately na ang huling napanuod niya daw na sine ay Stardust. Hmpf. Nakalimutan niya yata na Shake, Rattle and Roll 9 ang huli niyang
napanuod, tapos kasama pa ako nun. Nakakadissapoint. Eh ang tagal na kaya a pinalabas yung Stardust. Anyway.)
     MOMENT OF TRUTH NANAMAN nung palakad na kami palabas, biglang pinakita niya sa akin yung telepono niya na, "Can u be my gf?" siyempre. HELLO.
GULAT NA GULAT ANG LOLA MO. Pero siyempre, nabigla talaga ako, ang bilis ng mga pangyayari. "ANG SIMBANG GABI NGA NAMAN PAGNAKUMPLETO",
sabi ko sa isip ko. Sabi ko sa kanya, "Hindi ko alam eh. Sorry. Hindi ko talaga alam." Tapos ayun, sabay na rin kami umuwi.
    Nagiimagine na ako ng kung anu-ano. Na kunwari kasama ko siya. Kunwari nasa damuhan kami nagkukulitan. (shit, tama na ang cheezy ko.)



ENERO 2008
     Maligayang Bagong Taon! Magkatext rin kami nito. Ito na rin yung panahon na may pagkakaintindi na kami. Dumaragdag na ung feelings. Lumalabas na yung love
factor. Naks. Ito rin yung time na dapat magkikita kami nung kaarawan ni Virge, eh hindi alam nung nilalang ang pagpunta ng Town galing MOA so hindi rin kami nagkita.
Nagusap nalang kami sa phone mula 8:30 hanggang alas tres ng madaling araw. Saya diba. Ito yata yung paguusap nung akala niya na ginawa ko siyang panakip
butas sa ex ko. Grabe. Hindi ako ganun. Nagkwento rin yata siya nung mga past niya. Naks. Itong buwan na ito ang unang misunderstanding namin. Whew. Nasa
Calatagan ako nito eh. Yung ah basta. Ito rin yung time na sinabi ko kay Sten na gusto kong date yung dadalhin ako sa parang may tubig na lugar, tapos kakain ako
ng mga street food. Alam mo yun. Simple pero perfect date para sa akin.

PEBRERO 2008
     (magandang background song ngayon, Your Guardian Angel. NICE NICE NICE. Hay pag-ibig.)
     Pagdating ng 12 am eh tumawag ako sa kanila tapos grineet ko siya ng maligayang kaarawan. [FYI: Feb 1 siya, ako Dec 1. Wala lang. Lol]
     (at may nabasa akong bulletin niya na gusto ko lang mag-comment. nakalimutan na niya daw yung unang nag-greet sa kanya nung kaarawan niya. Nasaktan ako dun.)
     Ito yung buwan na nagMOA ako, Sten, Rach, Ojna at By. Tapos ayun nagkita kami nung nilalang. Wala naman. Nakaupo kami sa foodcourt, nakatambay. As usual,
pinapa-tumbling ako. Nangtrip rin ng guard. (akala ko dadalhin niya ako sa favorite place ko. akala ko magkakatotoo yung gusto kong place na kasama ko siya.)
     Siya ang kauna-unahang lalake na kausap ko ng alam mong may understanding nung Valentine's Day.
     May super away rin yata kami nito. Nalaman rin pala ng nanay at ate ko na nagMOA kami. May nakakita na daw. So kwinento ko na kung sino na talaga siya.

MARSO 2008
     Mayroong time na nasa Center ako, ay activities tapos nagkausap kami sa phone. Ito rin yung time na nag-Bisita Iglesia kami tapos nagulat ako na nagtext siya.
Grabe na daw nararamdaman nya. Hahaha. Kung anu-ano na ang naiisip. Lol. May away rin yata kami. Pero mas maraming cheezy stuff, kung cheezy nga ba ang tawag
dun. Pinuntahan niya ako sa Tanay, dun sa farm namin, imagine. Tuwang tuwa nanay ko sa kanya. Hahaha. Pero parang may tampuhan kami nun. Nakaupo lang
kami dun sa damuhan, pero di nagpapansinan. Tapos tahimik hanggang sa hinatid ko siya sa labasan. (ang bango niya nun, SWEAR.) Tapos nung pagkaalis niya lang
ko na-realize na nagkatotoo imagination ko, yung sa damuhan. (pero hindi yung kulitan part)

ABRIL 2008
     Siyempre. Summer eh. Eh di uuwi ako sa lola ko ulit. Excited. Tapos nung araw na magkikita kami eh hindi natuloy kasi hapon na yata yun. So the next day na lang
kami nagkita. April 10 yun. Yun yung araw na sinagot ko siya. Yun rin yung araw na pinakilala ko siya sa lola ko. Hindi ako mapakali. Alam mo yung feeling na nabuhusan
ka ng kape? Ganun feeling ko. Sobrang hay grabe, namumula akong ewan. Ang init ng pakiramdam ko. Yung puso kong, literal na tumitibok. Na sobrang bilis. Parang
lumulunok ako ng mga buto. Hindi butterflies sa tiyan eh. Iba. Iba talaga. Nakapunta rin ako sa bahay niya. Pinakilala niya rin ako sa pamilya niya. Whew. Kinakabahan
talaga ako nun. Tapos sabi ng nanay niya na dalhin daw ako sa may Wawa. TANG INA. SHIT SHIT SHIT nanaman nasabi ko. Nagkatotoo yung dream date ko. Pinakain
niya ba naman ako ng ulo ng manok. HAHAHA. Tapos yun nga, medyo bay side yung place na yun. Binigyan ako ng tatay niya ng kasoy. Nagkita kami ulit nung
celebration ng 6th death anniv ng lolo ko at kaarawan ng nanay ko, magkasunod lang kasi yun. Sabi ng nanay ko na papuntahin siya. Ayun. Pinakilala ko na siya
sa buong angkan. Tuwa nanaman ang nanay ko. Ito pa yung nakakagulat. Binigyan niya ako ng seahorse na keychain (galing sa Ocean Park na niyaya niya ako pero
hindi ako pinayagan ng nanay ko unless may kasama ako) bakit ako nagulat sa seahorse?! Eh yun kaya yung paborito kong animal aside from dogs! Hahaha. Talagang
gulat ako. Nung araw bago ako umuwi, napakain niya ako ng balot. Matagal na niyang pangarap para sa akin yun. WOW talaga. Napakain niya ako. Hahaha.

MAYO 2008
     May time na nakipagbreak ako. Di ko na maalala what date yun. Tapos sabi niya sa akin di niya daw kayang iwan ko siya.
     Mayo 18, nakipabgreak siya. Pinaka hagulgol ko. Grabeng away namin. Ang gago ko kasi. Grabe pagmamakaawa ko sa lahat ng santo nung time na 'to.

HUNYO 2008
     Hunyo 2, nagkabalikan kami. Sabi ko magbabago na ako.
     Hunyo 15, ako naman ang nakipagbreak. Deadma lang ako. Iba naramdaman ko.
     Hunyo 20, nagkatext kami ulit. Nagkamustahan. Tinanong ko siya kung what if maging kami ulit.
     Hunyo 28, opening ng NCAA. Nagkita kami. Pinakilala ko siya sa blockmates ko. May ginawa siya na sobrang naasar ako. Hanggang paglabas ko ng Araneta,
takang-taka mga blockmates ko bakit ba daw ako namumula. Nainis ako hindi man lang siya nagtext after nung umalis ko. Kung anu-ano na ang pumasok sa isip ko.
Grabe. Hindi ko mapigil asar ko. Nagtext ako ng kinaumagahan. Sobrang sakit nung mga pinagtetext ko. Tang ina, sabi ko na nga ba sa sarili ko mangyayari ulit ito.
Dapat hindi ko na kasi ginawa. Sabi ko nga, gago ako. Gago.
     Hunyo 7,
     Sabi niya ayaw na niya talaga. Nananahimik ang ibang tao, sinasali ko pa raw. Eh gago nga kasi ako.
     Sabi ko sa kanya na mamahalin ko na lang siya at tatahimik na ako.
     Hindi na ako nagreply sa "okay bahala ka" na text niya. Sabi ko kasi mananahimik na ako diba.
     Tapos nagulat ako nung nagsend siya ng dalawang love quotes sa akin na malamang panaman sa ginawa kong kagaguhan.
     Hindi na ako nagreply. Ayoko nang guluhin buhay niya. I'm a mess in his life, period.

Pagkatapos niyan, hanggang ngayon, bigla na lang tumutlo luha ko.
Kahit ano gawin ko, kahit saan ako tumingin siya naaalala ko.
Ang bilis tumulo ng luha ko ngayon. Hindi naman ako ganito.
Hindi ako malungkot eh, masaya parin ako dahil nagmamahal ako. Masaya ako para sa kanya kasi masaya na siya at alam niyang "this is the best way".
Yun nga lang, kulang ang buhay ko.
[at puta, wala akong pakialam kung cheezy ako! Nagpapakatotoo lang ako! :))]

Bakit bigla na lang ako umiiyak?
Una, pag nagdadasal ako. Pag pinagdadasal ko siya, kami.
Pangalawa, nasasayangan ako sa mga nangyari sa amin. Sa lahat-lahat. Alam mo yun, pinakilala ko na siya sa pamilya ko. Malaking bagay yun.
Pangatlo, sa ginawa ko. Sa simpleng text ko na yun nawala na yung taong pinaka-pangarap kong makasama. Hindi ko parin napapatawad sarili ko sa ginawa ko.
Pang-apat, simple, gusto ko maging ulit pero imposible yun kasi ayaw na nga niya diba. Ang kulit ng lola mo.
Pang-lima, kapag nakikita ko yung perang iniipon ko, (oo, iniipon parin, nagbabakasakali lang. mahirap nang hindi umasa, baka maloka na ako. Hahaha) para
sa pelikulang dapat panunuorin namin. Dapat. Pero. Yun nga. Wala na eh.
Pang-anim, namimiss ko siya at hindi pa ako nakakapag-move on talaga.
Pang pito, hindi ko man lang siya nayakap at hindi mo man lang nahawakan kamay niya.
Pang walo, hindi man lang kami nakapag usap ng personal o kahit, sa telepono lang nung break up namin. Pawang text lang.
Pang siyam, kaysa pinasaya ko siya, lagi ko nalang siya inaway. Hindi ko parin napapatawad sarili ko.
At ang pang DIYES, SAMPU, 10, dahil mahal na mahal ko parin siya at mamahalin parin.

At sabi ko nga, maaring huli at pinakamahabang blog ko na ito. Paalam.


[nagsimula akong mag-type ngayong araw na ito ng 5:13 pm, natapos ko ito ng 8:23 pm ngayon araw na ito rin]


 


     

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Don't change the names you've written once you start answering the questions.

For questions having 2 people involved, either, neither or both are unacceptable. Be honest and don't cheat!

(random.)
1. Robs
2  Gel
3. Red
4. Sten
5. Rach
6. Mel R.
7. Miera
8. Joanna
9. Warrior
10. Jerome
11. Alexa
12. Kimmie
13. Ninong
14. Ninang
15. Mac
16. Mara
17. Virge
18. Aaron
19. Kyle
20. Tere
21. Rap



1) What would you do if 20 saw you taking a bath?
- I'd scream :))

2) What would you do if 7 confessed he/she was bi then suddenly kissed you?
- OMG! Rap oh! :))

3) What would you do if 8 and 15 tell you that they were getting married?
- Joanna and Mac? Nyerk. They don't even know each other :))

4) What would you do if you catch 9 stealing your underwears?
- WARRIOR =)) ampf!!!!

5) Who would you rather date? 11 or 18? Why?
- Alexa or Aaron? :)) wtf.

6) Who would you prefer to be the person to kill you, 3 or 21
- 3 :))

7) Why is 1's name a bad name? (you can't answer "it's not a bad name" or something like that)
- hahaha. IT'S NOT A BAD NAME!! (why?! I want to answer "it's not a bad name" hahaha)

8) What's wrong with 13's face? (you can't answer "nothing's wrong" or something like that)
- his mustache :))

9) Will you say yes if 17 asked you to go to a strip club with him/her? Why?
- YES! HAHAHAHA!

10) If 16 and 12 were both about to die and you can only save one, who would it be?
- errrrr X|

11) What is the sweetest thing 10 has ever done to you?
- he's always there when I need someone to talk to :)

12) What would you do if you woke up naked with 5?
- OMG! :)) rapist!

13) How would you react if 19 suddenly hugs you tight and whisper to your ear how much he/she misses you?
- Kyle? hahaha I'd kick his ass. kidding :)) I do miss his him. naks.

14) Why do you think 2 has never been in a relationship?
- he has. hello. with me. crazy! :))

15) What will your reaction be if 4 and 14 suddenly grabbed each other and danced "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like it's better than yours, Damn right it's better than yours," in the middle of a serious talk?
- it's ok :)) hahahah! funny!!! :)))))))))))))

Something for him :D
"I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now---if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it---I would be able to look back on
those few short months that would always be the best of my life, and if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would
feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me. More than I'd ask for, more than I deserved. Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way." - Bella, New Moon

Okay that's enough. I'm very much okay now :))


Monday: July 7, 2008 - Daddeh Robs' beerday <:-P
- midterm in Insocio
- result of other midterms; very very great scores! wohhooo! DL na 'to :))
- CURTAINS CLOSED :D
- a hassle day. I was so worried about the handouts in PE. It will be the responsibility of our group if we can't be able to give handouts.
- thanks to Xtian A. and DJ Pat! :))
- my phone's bat got empty!!! X( I was texting Daddeh Robs, Jerome, and Isko. Err.
- went straight to UM to charge my phone. Yep, 20 bucks :))
- then it rained
- when Daddeh Robs arrived, he was effin soaking! :)) he walked from SDA to UM for me. I kept on saying sorry. Awwww. Wet and wild! :))
- basta daw ako, kahit basang-basa na siya sa ulan. hahaha. He missed me daw. awwww >:D<
- then Jerome and Isko (with their other blockmates) arrived.
- Daddeh Robs wanted me to eat, his treat. Hahaha. I can't say no! :)) he'd get mad.
- Jerome and Isko: gay guy-stupid guy! LAUGHTRIP! =))
- I missed all of theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmmm :(( >:D<
- Then Jerome kept on saying, "Ano, dota na. Bilis." :))
- Saw Rap, Carlo G. and Warrior.
          Rap: *using his phone* Echo, si Anje nandito sa KFC. Hello Echo. Si Anje nandito sa KFC may mga kasamang lalake.
          Warrior: *using his phone* Akalain mo yun Echo kausap mo kaming dalawa. Hello Echo.
          Me: *using my phone* hello Miera, hello *****. Nandito si Rap at si Warrior sa KFC may kasamang babae :))
- please. how many times should I tell you, HE'S NOT MY TYPE :)) [as in. YUCK. hahahaha]
- saw Jona outside KFC
          Jona: Gago plagerism daw ako
          Me: Eh, gago ka. Ganun lang yun. College na plagarise ka pa?! Okay ah! Gago ka! Hahaha!
- time to go. Daddeh Robs 'made me hatid' :)) to the SAKAYAN NG BUS [as in boos :))]
- saw Mel R., Big C, Carmie, Pat B., Aaron B., Albert, Mel Merenc, Jed G., Xtine N., and Claude G. >:D< YHEY :D
- went home with Claude :)

Tuesday: July 8, 2008
- midterms in PE
- tambay at La Salle Mcdo
- New Moon galore

Wednesday: July 9, 2008
- 1st half, my Joseriz total: 4.0 wooohhhooo!! [yabang? :))]
(yes, in Benilde, 4 is the highest. FYI :)) )
- watched Signos
- Starbucks day! :)) [but no cinnamon swirl :(]
- tambay at Deck
- tambay at Caf with Miera, Kimmie, Lexa, Joanna, Rap and Warrior.
- went to the comp lab with Joanna. Chibby and Prince present :))
- New Moon galore

Thursday: July 10, 2008
- Eika confined :( I miss your bitchiness :))
- we planned a class party. Whooooo!
- Comski lab time --
           someone who must not be named: Yes, because you were friends.
           Paula: WE STILL ARE.
       woohoo! gooooo Paula! =)) laughtrip!
           
- As I said, study hard, party harder! :))
- had a game in Histo. Kevin pikon?! Vanjoe first blood! :)) because we, girls won the game, we automatically have a perfect quiz! \:D/
- tamabay at La Salle Mcdo
- saw Lauren >:D< and Mr. JD = hottie :)) Robi Domingo like, right Lauren? :))

Friday: July 11, 2008
- Kimmie! first blood! hahaha! ilang strikes na? :))
- statement shirt day! hahaha! I wore my "Tired of meeting Mr. Wrong." :))
- quiz in Joseriz
- quiz cancelled in Natsci :))
- 98.75% in Insocio! woohooo! [yabang ulit :))] kailangan magyabang, baka hindi na maulit eh :))
- HATER HERRRRRRRRRRR! <insert prof name here> SO BAROKKKKK!!!!!! =)) panalo!!
- we planned to watch at Zen
- siyempre, ako nagyaya. hindi natuloy :))
- tambay at Mcdo with Miera, Kimmie, Joanna, Lexa, Warrior and Rap.
- met up with Virge and her blockmate. *kwento galore*
- UST: Urbandub :/ damnit!
- went to the office of Miera's parents
         Me: Aaah Miera, yan pala yung CCP :)) ay shit! dito pala yung HP! Eh anong SM yan?! :))
          [nakakahiya diba :))]
- Miera dropped me in Coastal. thanks muchhhooooossss!! :)
- arrived home around 8? hahaha

 
Saturday
- house chores
- ANIMO LA SALLE! \:D/ wohoooo!!
- text galore :))

Sunday - today
- house chores
- homework day :))
- text galore
- an excerpt from July 13, 2008 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer by Jasmine W. Payo in: UAAP Vows Consistent Application of Rules
 
       "Green Archers had been 'unjustly penalized' with a technical foul over coach Franz Pumaren's failure to wear an official ID during the Ateneo-La Salle match.
As a result, the Archers gave up two free throws even before the opening tip of the game the Blue Eagles won, 78-73, last Sunday... La Salle felt targeted by the
technical foul because, as it noted, UST's Pido Jarencio also failed to wear his ID on opening day but WAS NOT SANCTIONED."

- arrghhh. WHO'S "MADAYA" NOW? :))
- but who cares, 1-1! hahaha!
- and I'm still curious why Chris Tiu is taking another course in Ateneo if he graduated already.
[you think for the 71st crown? hahaha!]
- If I have graduated, I'm not gonna take another course again. I'd be working. :)) tsk tsk.
- still in text galore mode. Bibstud CHEVER :))
- wasn't able to go to the OneLaSalle, OneRun. [mahal na ang pamasahe ngayon! hahaha]

Realizations:
- Fine. I'm guilty. Chris Tiu is hot. Brad Pitt too. :)) [they weren't my types before. hahaha]
- been going gaga over Ocean's Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen. WHEW! Hotness! :))
- I've been saving my money for this certain rendezvous/date/meeting/whatever for this month, but... Wala eh. Wala na. So sayang. I've been seeing the poster
of the movie nga e. :)) [hmmm where can I use that money?]
- I miss AVFI :(( especially the patients, Ninong, Ninang :(, Gel :(, Rap, Red :(, Mac, Ojna
- I miss Edista :(( Sten, Rach, Virge, Mel , Mara, Tin, Lala, and Dave.
- I miss Zobel. [insert names of all Batch 08 here. hahaha] Gen, Vincent, Jan etc...
- I miss Justice Friends :(( Carissa, Luig, Robs, Jerome, Isko, Ginets, Big C etc...
- I miss [insert your name here] Lol.

- I believe in the miracles of LOVE.

- back in texting galore and Sims :))
 

"I believe in love and the miracles in all of us." - Jennifer Love Hewitt

Goodluck to the De La Salle Green Archers tomorrow! =) ANIMO :))

[not to brag but] I got perfect in Joseriz midterm and I passed Comski midterm! Wohooo! Lol.
Woke up early. Was with Elise in the bus.[BS-BUM --  love that course! hahaha]
Went to La Salle Mcdo. Met up wih my Insocio groupmates.
crew: me, Tere, Aaron, Alexa, Warrior, Jen, Miera, Kimmie, Belle, Rap.
Saw Just, Mike A. and Kiel.
[with Tere and Aaron -- we really left Mcdo early]
Went to Tere's pad. Philam Park in Las Piñas. Interviewed people. SMALL WORLD =)) met people who know people we know. Cool huh.
Went to Starbucks after. Met Tere and Aaron's friend NAMED: hay hay hay. Of all names. ANYWAY, went home after.
Now, here, bummed.

And now the drama.

With that simple picture --- THAT'S WHERE IT ALL STARTED.
I KNEW IT, SINCE THEN.

Oh yes. Mr. A + Ms. D = total breakdown for me.
I've been crying for my mistakes.
I've been confused. I've been exhausted. I've been such a drama-queen. I've been inconsiderate. I've been jealous. I've been doubting.
It's not that I don't trust him.It's just that he can't stop mentioning *sighs*.  I guess, this is better than being possessive.
BUT STILL, I'm wrong.
Actually, I've been thinking things out. Thoughts have really been crossing my mind and I have to overcome it.
Overcome Ms. D before I come back.
Is it fear? I don't think so. It's insecurity.
With the questions, "Is he happier with her?", "Should I let him go?", "Am I brave enough to?"
And the feelings, "I think she makes him happy. I know I don't. I'm his mess. I'm his misery. I make things complicated. I mess everything up."
They're telling me to let go. I've been telling them I love him. I always will. I told him that. I'm keeping my promise.
They tell me, maybe if you think you're not making him happy and if you think he's happier with her, and if it's his
happiness that is more important to you, I guess, let it go Anje. LET. IT. GO.
I ask why, why let it go if we're really not together.
They kept silent then, asked me again why am I not giving up, why don't I get tired.
I tell them, no one gets tired of loving. I never do! I never will! I'm always in love. They just get tired of the relationship.
Then they ask me if I'm loving, why do I have insecurities? Why am I assuming things? Why am I fucking jealous?
They asked me if there's something to be jealous about. I told them, of course.
They asked me why. I told them, he never forgets her.
I tell them that I'm really not a jealous person, but once I really get jealous, it takes time. Hell time to get over it.
They asked me why do people get tired of relationships, or why do relationships end. I told them the main reasons:
1. no communication
2. changes; personal or general
3. not ready for a commitment. a serious one.
4. the person is in love with someone else
They told me to not think about it. I'm just wasting my time. He's not worth it.
I told them, everyone's worthy of someone. It's just that they have pride, anguish and insecurities.
And again, I thought that I should:
Overcome Ms. D before I come back.
Maybe I never will.
Maybe I'll wait.
Maybe I won't be coming back as the person I was.
Maybe a different one.

Just, maybe.

"Wow. Isn't this just weird. I'm gonna set the one I love free for the person he may have loved, could have loved or will love.",  I told myself.

"If he loves her, it's okay. I'll still be loving him.", I told them.

Don't worry. I'm used to this.

As Pablo Neruda wrote in his poem,
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving.

And that's my way.

:D